ra ra ra… Pity Party… admit one.

so, im going to have a whinge, sign off now if you don’t want to hear a first world girl whinging about first world problems because I wont apologise for holding this pity party.

Im 25, and am sick of being the ‘patient.’ all my life i’ve been sick, i got the 24hr virus for like a week, always got every strain of the flu that goes around (skipped the Swine and Bird Flu thankfully), have a crappy immune system even though it doesn’t show that on blood tests. I ended up on crutches when i was in like year 5, and have been on and off them ever since because i have crappy knees, i spent most of high school on crutches, I use a walking stick now. its cooler then crutches… maybe. I have always had allergies that cause problems, like on my honey moon in Fiji, i seemed to be allergic to the bottled water. how ridiculous is that! my penicillin allergy was so bad and uncommon it apparently got me into a textbook.
ive always had random muscle aches and joint pain. its always been written off as growing pains and general/normal problems. that or the docs think im a hypochondriac… which im sure they do.
Now i’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia by my Physio, ive spent way too much money on physio, massage, acupuncture, medication and home treatments (Epsom salts, radox etc). however this list is going to keep growing and getting longer. and now I need to see a Rheumatologist, which is fair enough, but its so expensive. They need to rule out things like Lupus, which runs in my family as does Fibromyalgia and other auto-immune problems.

I’m just getting annoyed with all the doctors bills and pain, neither of which go away and both of which are pissing me off.

then there is uni. I love studying fashion design. I’ve studied several different things and finally found something that i like and can see doing as a job. except now bcause of my neck and back pain im finding it super difficult to be able to attend some of my classes and keep up with my homework. not only is the physical pain a problem, but the brain fog is getting silly, i struggle to keep things straight, i have the worst memory ever and keep forgetting what i have or haven’t done with homework, or i just forget it altogether. lists no longer help because i forget where i put them or to check them. my uni are trying to be helpful but meh they cant offer much help at all.

like being a girl isnt enough to deal with. i have allergies that are getting worse all the time, the list is growing too it seems.  i wear orthodics so i have one pair of shoes, only one. granted they are Dr Martens, but its hard not being able to have fun with things like that. allergic to acrylic… so no nail polish, no fake nails, no hair dye, no make up, one pair of shoes, restriction of fabrics, food and places sometime too. im sort of an artist (fashion designer), and can pretty much only use watercolours – good thing i like them, but art class was hard when i had a full body reaction to an oil pastel that freaked my teacher out so bad. full body itch rash, went red in my face, started heating up, within 30-40 mins my throat started to be compromised. its getting ridiculous. it took my nails almost 6 months to recover from having no-acrylic fake nails put on, i assume the glue had something slightly acrylic in it.

 

im getting sick of being a patient. and of being sick all the time. apparently it ain’t gonna stop any time soon. im tired, so very very tired.

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