the un-joys of chronic illness

I seem to be having one of those days where i just don’t have the energy to do anything. I should have done homework or sewing or i should have done the dishes. i feel bad that i didn’t do any housework, i didn’t do any homework, i did nothing that was helpful or useful all day. i sat here on my couch after i woke up at lunch time and did nothing. and i feel bad for it.

I wish i had the energy to do things, to actually want to clean my house or do my homeowkr, which i would actually enjoy when i get into it, i just dont have the energy to do any of it. its a hard truth to accept and be ok with, and im not sure that I am ok with it but i might be on my way to getting there one day soon. Im not sure how to be ok with not having the energy or get up n go to do things. i feel lazy. and maybe some of it is laziness but mostly its chronic fatigue and pain from fibromyalgia.

yesterday was a long day and not a fantastic one at that. i am still getting used to the idea that one bad day can kick me for a week. even a full nights sleep and half a days sleep in, can still leave me tired and sleepy.

i knew that if i were to do something today, i would have to pick only one. dishes or homework. i wouldnt be able to do both and not be a pile of sludge like jelly. and of course the actually thinking of all this made me so tired and that reminded me that i needed to make lunch to have some energy. and all this thinking and eating made me tired!!! how is this a life? i tell you this was the most un-usefull day ever.

and now i still have my dishes staring me in the face and my homework hiding in a bag where it can’t stare at me, but is still crying out to be done. and now i feel even worse for sitting in a chair all day long being tired and sore. and I know my hubby will be home soon and I will need to make dinner and to do that, i need to do the dishes.

sorry for it being such a negative post but life is real and its not as pretty and fun as you want it to be. sometimes it would be nice to not be unhealthy all the time, and be just a normal average everyday person.

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One thought on “the un-joys of chronic illness

  1. I hate when people tell me I’m ‘lucky’ not to have to work/do housework etc when I’d love nothing more than to be able to get stuck in and do things for myself again. Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time of it. I really hope you can find the energy for the things that really matter and not feel to guilty about the things that don’t.

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